things i can never admit to you

Sometimes late at night I stop trusting you because deep down I know better.
I have caught you lying straight ot my face yet I kept letting you back in when maybe I shouldn’t have.
I think you say I love you because you feel obligated to not because you feel it.
You sometimes seem afraid of what we have which makes me afraid.
You could break my heart in an instant and I do my best to believe you genuinely try not to.
I don’t think you realize how hard I’m trying to make a future with you possible.
I know we would be perfect if I was there and I wouldn’t second guess anything.
I think about other people sometimes but they never make me feel the way you do so I immediately shut them out.
I’m trying to be considerate to what you need and what I can’t provide but its really exhausting to always be your cheerleader when I can’t be your girlfriend too.
I’m really selfish when it comes to you. I want you to be mine and only mine all the time not just when its convient for us. I wish you would have not let us break up the third second or first time. I hope you realize how imperfect I am because I’m no one other than myself. I love you for whoever you are on both good and bad days. It breaks my heart to fight with you but those fights are what make us a little bit stronger. Ill fight for you each and every day for as long as you believe in us. I will always be able to tell when you are faking emotions so please stop. I’m Alayna. The only one who will always try to understand you so please try to open up more. It’ll be easier on both of us. I may love you too much,but you told me to hurt you so here I am spilling my truth, I don’t want to hurt you but here it is anyway. Luke. I love you.